The Forgotten First Command: Lead Yourself
What is leadership? Is it a title? Is it a responsibility? Most men wait for a call that never comes. They wait for a title, a mission, or someone to hand them permission to lead. But the first and most important calla man will ever answer isn’t from the world — it’s from within. It’s the becoming of a leadership lifestyle. It’s the quiet command to take ownership of your own life. To get up when you’d rather rest. To fight the battles no one sees. Before you can lead anyone else, you must lead yourself. And that is the battle where real leaders are forged.
Answering the Call
If you’re reading this, you’ve probably already heard the call. All men everywhere, at some point, will hear the call to rise up. Not all will heed that call. Of those who do, few truly rise to the challenge— the challenge to take responsibility and lead. Most ignore it until life breaks them. We wait for that moment when we are asked to be leaders, when we are given permission to lead. Leadership begins the moment you stop waiting for permission. You lead by example, not position — by how you live when nobody’s watching. Whether you are a single dude, dating or married, or a dad, now’s the time to be the leader that your life needs.
The Forge of Character
Like any good blacksmith, stand before the flames with an end goal in mind. Craft in your mind what you want to craft with your hands. In this case, think about the type of family that you want to lead. Think about the kind of life you want to lead. Are you religious and want to lead a God-fearing family? Are you a novice outdoorsman who wants to spend time with your family outside? These are some of the things that you need to identify now.
Once that’s clear, figure out what kind of leader you need to be to bring that life to fruition. If you want a God-fearing family, you need to start by being a God-fearing man. If you want to raise kids who choose the outdoors over screen time, think about your own habits. Become the person who attracts the life that you want. Seek the heat of the forge and the blow of the hammer that will shape you. That involves a lot of sacrifice, frustration, and discomfort.
For the sake of practicality, consider what deserves less of your time and what deserves more. Ditch a few hours of video games and go on a hike. Instead of hitting bars, consider looking for opportunities to serve in the community. Run far away from any form of pornography and seek to build real relationships. But here’s the key— don’t stop there. True strength and leadership are forged in quiet repetition — showing up when no one watches.
Building Habits That Forge Leadership
The sacrifices required to forge leadership are the moments when the hammer strikes the metal and sparks fly throughout the shop. But what’s just as important are the little steps in the process, such as the tempering and the sharpening. That’s where habits come in. If putting away video games or pornography is the shaping of the metal, living by a strict schedule and a healthy diet are the tempering and sharpening.
Basic, healthy habits can fortify our best efforts. Studies show that nature-based activity isn’t just good for physical health—it plays a powerful role in restoring mental and emotional resilience, including for men dealing with addiction or life transitions. What this looks like is all of the basic health advice you’ve received for forever— getting to bed at a decent time to get enough sleep, cutting out processed foods, get some exercise, etc. The best you requires the best care.
The Example You Set — Even Now
If you are a single dude who’s hoping to get married and have kids, you may think that the way you spend your personal time doesn’t matter. But you couldn’t be more wrong. Set the example now! Prove to yourself and to everyone you meet that you are worth getting to know.
If you are in a relationship or married but don’t have kids yet, don’t wait until you do have kids to start setting the example. It requires practice! Whatever bad habits you have now, they won’t magically go away the moment you have a kid. Be the best man you can be. Besides, your (future) wife deserves it.
If you already have kids, give yourself some grace but get your butt in gear.